Ephemere

From The Quiki

Ephemere is a forumite from Guelph, Canada (formerly Toronto). She joined the forums in August 2005 after lurking for an undetermined amount of time and has been sporadically posting ever since. If Ephemere's life was a game of Jeopardy, her seven dream categories would be:

• Analytic psychology
• Stanley Kubrick films
• Pokemon
• Kurt Vonnegut Jr. novels
• Broken Social Scene
• Alternatives to incarceration and here are some statistics about that
• Driving is fucking terrifying

Contents 1 Meat Life 2 Appearance 3 NOW GET IN THE GROUND 4 Controversy 5 This Part Will Probably Be Sort Of Redundant After QCon, But Whatever

Meat Life

Ephemere/Tania was born in Scarborough, Ontario on September 11 1987. She grew up in the suburbs of Markham, a small town just north of Toronto. Needless to say her childhood was uneventful and colorless. We can probably skip this part altogether.

Ephemere currently lives in Guelph where she attends the local university and blathers on endlessly about the city's remarkable recycling program and public transit system. Here she studies sociology and social psychology as part of a complicated plan to dedicate the rest of her life towards working with violent offenders/being angry and depressed about everything. Outside of school, she's likely to be observed engaged in numerous antisocial (and somewhat obsessive compulsive) pastimes such as painting, knitting, and keeping tallies of how many times her professors overuse certain words. She hosts a radio show on the campus station every week which, as Spinless will attest, is great fun if you enjoy listening to stuttering Canadian girls who can't pronounce band names properly. Occasionally her program falls victim to hijacking by an annoying British man whose identity still remains unknown.

Ephemere's 'smoking habit' is a topic of constant debate. Does she or doesn't she? What the fuck is going on here? Currently, she doesn't. Cigarettes are too expensive.

Appearance

Although Ephemere has since returned to her tiny delightful self, she was once infamous as quite possibly the most obese forumite yet, to the point where her weight has become the stuff of legends. In particular, Ephemere was in possession of a truly phenomenal ability: By tensing her muscles, she could actually create a gravitational pull around herself, a force used to pull smaller forumites towards her. They would then be devoured and added to to her formidable mass. Eventually some surviving forumites began to have concerns that if something was not done about her elephantine proportions her gravitational pull would expand beyond control, causing her to collapse in on herself and essentially become a walking blackhole. There's something of a "scene missing" bit here but eventually Ephemere's weight did return to normal (Though she claims to have lost it all after following a steady diet of healthy eating and exercise, we're pretty sure she just had it all liposuctioned away).

Were a forumite to ever find him or herself in Guelph and looking for Ephemere for some unfathomable reason, she can be easily identified by her ugly stretched-out earlobes, diminutive height, and exaggerated love for the colour brown. It is wise to refrain for speaking to Ephemere as she may quite possibly have the worst voice on earth, often compared to that of a prepubescent boy and once described as sounding like "a deer being hit by a truck". She may be one of the most awkward forumites around and denies all claims of being "cute".

NOW GET IN THE GROUND

LIKES: Douglas Coupland, cheap thrills, Spinless, Storm Rider, Broken Social Scene, marlboro lights, brown things, sharpie markers, theropods, squeaky english accents, yarn, Achewood, Kiefer Sutherland

DISLIKES: Converse, makeup, large breasts, role-playing games, Tommydski

Controversy

On December 12th, 2007, Spinless released the List of Reasons Tania is Probably Gay, previously compiled by Tommydski.

The credibility of this list is still under debate.

This Part Will Probably Be Sort Of Redundant After QCon, But Whatever

Forumites Tania has met, in no particular order, include Mike, Edith, Tommy, Mischa, Kieffer, Julia, and James.

QC Profile